6 Tips to Kill The Fun on Guitar
Tip 1: Compare yourself to the masters, mercilessly*
What better way to destroy your enthusiasm for guitar than to compare yourself to the great masters, right? After all, none of us will ever be as good as John Williams (the classical guitarist), as good as Wes Montgomery at jazz guitar, or as famous and as awesome as Jack White. Why bother, right? I mean, there's no possible way we could enjoy the guitar if we aren't as good as them, right?
The best way to kill your love, enthusiasm, and your momentum on guitar is to compare yourself to others who are better than you. Go for it! It's fun! You won't regret losing your satisfaction of just holding a guitar and feeling lucky that you are able to play one at all. You'll love the constant mental chatter you'll receive when you make a mistake. This is so much fun that I do it all the time, in every part of my life. Everyone finds me more adorable as an unconfident pipsqueak who constantly needs external validation.
Tip 2: Expect yourself to practice two hours or more, each day
If you'd like to kill your enthusiasm on guitar, practice as much as possible each day. Never mind that you probably don't want to be a professional musician. Never mind that you probably don't pay the rent playing music. All I can say is, if you really loved guitar all that much you'd make it a habit to practice a paltry two hours a day, minimum. And you'd get pissed at yourself and call yourself names if you didn't make that time.
By the way, energy that normally goes to loving the people closest to you will now have to go to practicing guitar. Expect to be fired from your job because getting better at your hobby of guitar is more important. Expect to become a stranger to your significant other, because honestly, what's more important than being good at guitar? Nothing is. Kids? Don't make me laugh. Guitar is far more important than them. You better practice hard, buddy.
Tip 3: Only play the easy stuff when you practice
There's truly no difference between practicing and playing guitar, at all. Therefore, why spend all your time simply correcting mistakes? That's stupid. Just go ahead and do something that is easy for you to do. It's a great idea to play your favorite song and call it practice. Don't worry about spotting the mistakes in the song so that you can isolate them and make the whole song sound better. That's boring! Just play the song and gloss over everything that seems too hard.
Tell yourself that you are exempt from playing the hard parts when you are practicing, and bank on the easy stuff. Try it! It's fun! Your teacher might disagree, but he's full of it anyway. Your spouse might say it doesn't sound right, but really, this person is never giving you an honest opinion. Just play the easy stuff, the stuff you've played a million times before, and watch your momentum and enthusiasm die slow but glorious deaths!
Tip 4: Never, ever play guitar with anyone else
What on earth are people thinking? That they will learn faster if they know more guitarists? They are dead wrong. Obviously, the fewer people we play with, the more time we'll have to just play guitar. Besides, It sucks to play music with others because they always are challenging us to get better. We don't need any more challenges in our lives!
This is a call to inculcate ourselves from other guitarists lest they challenge us to practice, fix mistakes, and (the horror!) inspire us to get better.
Tip 5: Buy a ton of silly accessories that you don't need
If you really want to kill the spirit for practicing guitar, make sure to constantly buy trinkets that look bright and shiny at a guitar shop or online.
Silver, flashy picks? Get them.
Three different tuners? Get them.
Forty packs of strings, all of different brands and thicknesses? Get em.
You can never have enough accouterments in guitar, so just buy, buy, buy everything your heart wants. After all, the more you buy, the more you are committed to learning guitar, right? You have to prove your dedication, your commitment. You have to prove how willing you are to go the full twelve rounds with guitar, so buy away! Nevermind the higher expectations to use all these trinkets. Nevermind the energy and time you'll waste by having a bunch of crazy little objects floating around and gathering dust. You have to make sure you're committed to learning guitar and that means buying more than what you truly need to learn. No doubt, just seeing these accessories strewn about in your home will inspire you to practice. Absolutely.
Tip 6: Tell yourself that you suck and you'll never be good at it
People who say that negative self-talk is damaging have no idea what they are talking about.
There is always room for growth at the expense of your happiness. The point of telling yourself that you suck at guitar is to make sure that you are always practicing harder and longer each day. Never mind that professional musicians who engage in negative self-talk aren't the happiest people in general, nor are they much fun to be around. Who cares? They are better than most anyone else!
What matters is being good at guitar. It doesn't matter if your momentum or your happiness is sacrificed. You must be good at guitar. Get cracking, pal. It's time to kill the fun.
*Hey you! If you didn't get that this entire post was completely sarcastic, it's time to leave the internet.